it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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