I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize