You smell like a Billy Joel song
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
