8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
