at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
