You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
