either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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