I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
