Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
