I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
