he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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