I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
