K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
