Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
