I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
