I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am midnight drunk by noon
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
