My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize