so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
