not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
