If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from