South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.