In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.