She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
