well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
