Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
