Midget sex pt 2 tonight
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
