you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
