I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
