The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
