Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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