I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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