I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
