Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
