At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
