he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I deserve this hangover.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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