you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
