just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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