the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
