That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
