you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
