I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
