Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
