Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
