I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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