things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
