Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
