how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
