What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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