SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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