i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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