I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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