how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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