if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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