Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
