And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
