So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
