I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
