You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
