i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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