Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
