he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
