I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
