Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
