I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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