I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
