Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize